For years, I was what I call a “checklist Catholic.”
I went to Mass—if it was convenient and I didn’t have something else to do. Even when I went, I was often there physically without being there with my heart. I prayed if I remembered before a meal, or especially when I needed something. I went through the motions and checked things off a list.
I KNEW OF Jesus, but I didn’t really KNOW Him. I didn’t have that relationship.
The wakeup call
On March 21, 2024, I attended the Fort Myers Faith & Ale event, “Living Easter Joy,” where Fr. Larry spoke about having a relationship with Jesus Christ.
As he described what that relationship meant and what it looked like, I distinctly remember thinking, “I have been doing this all wrong my entire life.” The more he spoke, the more I recognized that the relationship he was describing was missing from my own life.
I also remember being confronted with how I thought about sin. I had reassured myself that I would be okay because I wasn’t as bad as so many other people—as though God had some quota system for Heaven, and being better than others would put me on the right side of the cutoff.
That evening challenged that excuse. Someone else’s wrongdoing didn’t make my sins harmless, and Heaven wasn’t a competition to be less sinful than the next person. Even the sins I dismissed as “tiny” mattered because they wounded my relationship with God.
I needed to stop comparing myself with others and honestly face what needed to change in my own life. I needed His forgiveness, and I needed to know Him.
I got to the car afterward and started crying. I’ve often described that evening as being hit by a 2×4 by the Holy Spirit.
“No Bible, no breakfast; no Bible, no bed”
One line from Fr. Larry stayed with me: “No Bible, no breakfast; no Bible, no bed.”
I can’t say I began that very night, but very shortly afterward I started putting it into practice. I now begin and end my day reading Scripture.
That has changed everything.
Through daily reading, I’ve begun to understand connections between the Old and New Testaments that I never saw before. Sacrifice, covenant, Passover, manna, priesthood, the Ark—all these things have helped me recognize God’s unfolding plan of salvation and its fulfillment in Christ.
The Catechism has been answering questions I had and strengthening things I already believed. John 6, read alongside the Last Supper and Paul’s teaching, has deepened my belief in Christ’s true presence in the Eucharist. Understanding heavenly worship in Revelation has helped me see Mass as Heaven here on earth.
These discoveries have changed how I participate. I want to bring my heart to Mass, to understand what I’m entering into, and to receive Christ with gratitude.
Learning to accept forgiveness
Taking sin seriously also brought a struggle I hadn’t expected. As I recognized how much I had dismissed or knowingly done, I wondered how God could forgive all of it.
Another talk by Fr. Larry helped me face that question.
I was attending a Divine Mercy Encounter retreat at St. Joseph Church’s Bread of Life Community Center in Erie, Pennsylvania. During his talk, Fr. Larry went up to a large crucifix and asked whether we believed what Christ had done on the cross.
When I answered yes, carrying guilt for sins I had confessed and been forgiven for began to seem pointless. I believed Christ had died for all our sins. I needed to trust that His forgiveness applied to me, too.
I still sometimes carry guilt or shame longer than I should. But I work on gratitude more than I ever did—gratitude for His mercy, His forgiveness, and another opportunity to grow.
Divine Mercy Encounter is an experience I highly recommend. You can learn about the retreat and future opportunities at divinemercyencounter.com.
A walk that continues
My relationship with Christ is changing how I live. I try to keep God in mind in my thoughts, decisions, and actions. When I fail—and I do fail—I ask for His forgiveness and for the strength to do better.
When I pray, I’m talking to God. I still bring Him my needs, but I’m learning to bring Him my gratitude and my everyday life as well.
The more I understand the Catholic faith, the more I appreciate its richness: the Mass, the sacraments, and the example and prayers of Mary and the saints. I’ve come to see how they point toward Christ and help me know Him more deeply.
I’m still learning. I’m still growing. This site is a place to share that ongoing walk, including the questions, discoveries, and moments of wonder along the way.
There is so much more to life once you allow yourself to have a true relationship with Christ. I want to share this because I wish others could feel and experience what I have since I let Him in and began reorienting my life toward Him.